A few weeks ago, I had the privilege and a wonderful opportunity of being a guest on the ‘I am One Podcast’, where I shared my personal and professional journey with birth trauma and medical gaslighting that I experienced. It was a wonderful opportunity to open up a conversation about our experiences during labor and how that shapes our perception of who we are, what happened to us, and how we cope with all the invisible, isolated, and often dismissed feelings associated with it.
What is Birth Trauma?
“Birth trauma” is defined as physical and emotional suffering during birth that resulted from either complications, physical injury or negative reactions during the birthing experience … A feeling of lack of control around the unfolding of the birth may also increase the likelihood of its being perceived as traumatic.” (Daniels et al., 2020 [1]
Birth is often an idealized experience. It is supposed to be joyful and memorable (in a good way). Unfortunately, in many cases, labor leaves not only a physical but also an emotional scar. Complications, lack of informed consent, unexpected procedures, feeling powerless, unheard, and dismissed are only a few examples of when happiness turns into anxiety that doesn’t go away when the baby is born. It stays with mothers (and fathers) for a long time, leaving them questioning themselves, their relationships, and their integrity.
Birth trauma is not “just in your head.” It can lead to:
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- Postpartum depression and anxiety
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- Postpartum PTSD (flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks)
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- Difficulty bonding with the baby
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- Feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment or failure
What is Medical Gaslighting?
“Medical gaslighting describes the experience of patients who feel that their symptoms are inappropriately trivialized, dismissed, or not investigated by healthcare professionals.” (The American Journal of Medicine, 2024 [2]
How does medical gaslighting look in the delivery room? Mothers are often dismissed, invalidated. or silenced (as though they don’t know anything about their bodies and sensations). “This is how it’s supposed to be”, “It’s not that bad”, “It’s totally normal,” “See, it wasn’t that bad” are only a few of the sentences that women hear from their medical providers. This invalidation of women’s pain or experiences is what silences them at the very moment when they need care, support and compassion the most. It strips mothers of their truth leaving them questioning themselves and their reality.
How Medical Gaslighting Influences Birth Trauma?
Based on the study from 2022 [3] a significant number of women who experienced traumatic birth also reported being medically gaslighted by healthcare providers. The study names 4 core forms of denial that affect mother’s experiences during birth:
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- denial of mother’s humanity (“You need to try to calm down so we can do our job”)
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- denial of their knowledge as valid (“You are not in labor yet. You would know if you were”)
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- denial of their judgments as rational (“You seem to be very emotional so you may not be able to make this decision right now”)
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- denial of their feelings as legitimate (“You and your baby are just fine. No need to be upset”)
Medical gaslighting undermines women’s sense of control and authority over their bodies, invalidates their pain or struggles, and increases their self-doubt while decreasing their trust in medical providers. It leads to sadness, overwhelm, and invisibility that may manifest in the form of PTSD, depression, detachment, and guilt. It may also affect mothers’ perception of birthing, in general, taking a toll on their desire to have more children due to fear of re-traumatizing themselves.
The Psychological Toll of Birth Trauma and Medical Gaslighting on Postpartum Moms.
Birth trauma may happen even when everything went well, when the baby is healthy, and you come home a couple of days after a labor. It may happen when your experience was not the way you imagined, when you were told one thing but there were procedures that you were not informed about, when you felt that something was wrong but your voice was unheard, or when you asked for help and you got no response. These and many more untold incidents that happen during the labor leave mothers feeling guilty, ashamed, full of self-blame, and embarrassed. “Is it me? What’s wrong with me?”, “Am I too weak to give birth?”, “Maybe I just misunderstood” are questions moms ask themselves trying to understand what happened. Lack of answers usually turns inward – moms start to doubt themselves, lack self-trust, feel disconnect and experience difficulties bonding with their baby.
The Power of Reclaiming Your Story.
Healing from birth trauma starts with reclaiming your story. When we allow ourselves to name what happened to us, we put words to experiences that were minimized or dismissed, and we start to restore the power that was taken from us during labor.
Rewriting your story doesn’t mean reliving it. It means telling your truth, honoring your perspective, and validating your feelings. It doesn’t matter if you share your story with a trusted friend, during a support group, a one- on- one therapy session or through advocacy. It means that you stood up against what was said or done to you and you found your voice – the powerful voice that needs to be heard to break the stigma around women’s experiences during labor and the often unspoken and dismissed negativity that often happens in the delivery room.
What I Learned?
Every time I share my story, I hope that I encourage another mom to find her voice. Birth trauma is a systemic issue that deserves to be recognized and openly talked about. Every time a woman shares her story, not only does she start her personal healing journey, but she also encourages other moms to open up and find the courage to speak up.
If you are struggling with birth trauma, remember that you are not alone and that you deserve to be heard! In my practice, I hold space for women who once were silenced and dismissed. We process all the complex feelings, rebuild trust in ourselves, and find hope beyond trauma. Don’t hesitate to reach out HERE!
Listen to my full conversation on the ‘I Am One’ podcast here:
https://postpartum.net/news/i-am-one-podcast/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TvWRZbAszQ
References:
1. Fathers who witnessed their Partner’s birth trauma: qualitative questionnaire study (Daniels et al., 2020)
2. Ng, I. K. S., Ho, K. Y., Sia, C. H., & Chan, M. Y. (2024). Medical gaslighting: A new colloquialism. The American Journal of Medicine, 137(7), 639–643. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amjmed.2024.02.005
3. Lemos, G., & Shroff, M. (2022). Obstetric gaslighting and the denial of mothers’ realities. Social Science & Medicine, 302, 114993. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2022.114993