What Dads Need to Know About Postpartum Changes
Birth of the baby is one of the most transformational periods of women’s and men’s lives – both physically and psychologically. For many moms this transformation needs a little bit more tenderness and compassion!
Shortly after giving birth, a mother experiences drastic decrease in progesterone and estrogen that were responsible for the growth of the fetus while prolactin (milk production hormone) and oxytocin (bonding with the baby) rapidly increase creating hormonal rollercoaster. All of those changes on the top with physical recovery, sleep deprivation, and stress affect moms’ emotional well – being. For a lot of women, this period brings not only joy, but also sadness, anxiety, overwhelm, hopelessness, and grief associated with loosing part of herself.
Postpartum Emotions: Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression
Hormonal changes in the first days after postpartum may lead to “Baby Blues” – a mild condition that peaks between 7-14 day postpartum and usually goes away on its own. However, in some cases women start to experience overwhelming sadness, tearfulness, detachment from the baby, difficulties with sleeping, eating and daily functioning that may cause postpartum depression and overwhelming prolonged periods of sadness. For many fathers, (who may also experience postpartum depression), sometimes women’s experiences are not easily understandable or seem irrational.
“Why are you crying?”, “We have a healthy baby so be happy”, “See, it wasn’t that bad?”, “Whats wrong with you” are only a few sentences that postpartum moms hear from their partners.
Why Dads May Struggle to Understand Postpartum Emotions
Lack of understanding women’s feelings many times stems from differences in experiences. Partners don’t go through hormonal changes, their lifestyle or habits often stay the same, their identity doesn’t go thought a drastic transformation, and their body doesn’t go through a major physical recovery. In addition, our culture often glorifies motherhood and early postpartum creating irrational pressure on moms to just “get it”. As a consequence, partners may show lack of empathy and compassion towards a woman as they may expect her to be “happy” and “bounce back” , which leads to moms feeling guilty, lonely, and resentful towards their partners.
The Emotional Gap Between Partners After Baby
It’s common for couples to feel disconnected during this time. Your partner may feel alone or unsupported, while you may feel confused, rejected, or unsure how to help.
This gap isn’t a sign that something is wrong with your relationship—it’s a sign that you’re both adjusting to a major life transition.
Relationship Challenges After Baby: Conflict & Disconnect
When a new moms feels invisible and non supported, she starts to feel resentful and upset with her partner. She feels that there is unequal distribution of parental roles, that she is a default parent, and that her partner doesn’t understand her. On the other side, fathers may feel rejected and forgotten believing that mother puts all her love and attention to the baby. That usually results in conflict and miscommunication between parents. This distance and lack of mutual support may deepen symptoms of postpartum depression or increase mother’s anxiety and stress level. Instead of partners, parents become distant and create emotional gap between each other.
Why Moms May Feel Unsupported
Many mothers don’t necessarily need solutions—they need to feel understood. When their emotions are minimized or dismissed (even unintentionally), it can deepen feelings of loneliness.
Why Dads May Feel Rejected
At the same time, dads may feel pushed away or unappreciated, especially when their efforts don’t seem to help. This can lead to frustration or withdrawal, creating more distance between partners.
How Dads Can Support Their Partner After Birth
Support doesn’t have to be perfect. You may not know what to say, what to do, and how to help but being present, consistent, and emotionally available is what matters the most.
Simple Ways to Support Your Partner Emotionally
Understanding starts with empathy and compassion. A postpartum woman not only needs emotional support but also, she needs to feel visible and heard. It is important for you to look at the woman not only as a new mom but also as the same person she used to be – with the same needs, wants, and desires.
What to Say to a Postpartum Partner
“I am here”
“How can I support you right now?”
“What do you need?”
Remember, closing your eyes and turning your head away, will not solve the problem. Be available, mindful and open to listen, learn, and be present, even when you dont know what to do. It is not about fixing your partner, it is about “holding her” with her emotions, doubts, and anxious thoughts so she can rebuild her physical and emotional strength. Postpartum is a transition for both of you, and understanding all those changes helps couples support one another through this vulnerable period.
Can Dads Experience Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum mental health doesn’t just affect mothers—dads can struggle too.
Signs of Paternal Postpartum Depression
Dads may experience:
- Irritability or anger
- Withdrawal from family
- Increased stress or anxiety
- Feeling overwhelmed or disconnected
- Low energy
- Lack of motivation
If you’re struggling, support matters for you too. Often partners don’t realize how much postpartum support for dads can impact both maternal mental health and their relationship. Taking care of your mental health is part of showing up for your family.
Postpartum Support for Parents in Bryn Mawr, PA & across Pennsylvania and Delaware
If you or your partner are struggling with postpartum emotions, relationship challenges, or feeling disconnected, therapy can help you better understand each other and find your way back to connection. Support after a baby is one of the most beneficial aspects of your journey into motherhood!
We specialize in helping parents navigate difficulties and challenges associated with early postpartum. Seeking help starts with a small step that result in big changes. Learn More
References (and helpful resources):
Brott, A. A. (2015). The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be. Abbeville Press.
Simkin, P. (2021). The Birth Partner: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Partners, Doulas, and Other Labor Companions. Harvard Common Press.
https://www.postpartum.net