Recently, more and more women — whether they’re parents, partners, professionals, or all of the above — express that they feel exhausted, more irritable and frustrated. Almost like they are loosing control.
Many feel like they are failing at something, whether that’s parenting, work, relationships, or simply keeping it all together, as they try to juggle online or hybrid schedules, work from home, commuting, cooking, cleaning, and finding time for self care.
Sometimes I hear women saying that they’re tired of cooking, cleaning, and that the never-ending juggle of caregiving, work, and household life leaves nothing left over for them. They say that they don’t want to play this “home game” anymore. They miss having an outlet to go out, have a date night, dress up for a business meeting in person, or simply feel like themselves…the list goes on.
What I had realized is that most of us still try to adjust to this new reality and that recently we all started to feel the underlying effects of the pandemic and the fact that our situation is not going to change soon. So what are we supposed to do now? Well, I believe that we need to try to find normalcy in such abnormal circumstances. Who said that we cannot have a date night in our living room, dress up, order fancy take out and dim the lights? Who said that we cannot let our children play tennis or frisbee with one of their closest friends, and who said that we cannot go to the shore off season or camp in our backyard? Maybe these are not the perfect ways of spending our time, but for sure they will bring us a little joy and will bring some fresh air to our weekly “abnormal” routines.
Why We Struggle With a Sense of Control
The important life lesson is to focus on those aspects of our life that we have control over. The truth is that we all struggle with our personal sense of control. We all sometimes feel like we are loosing control. We tend to focus our attention not on things that we can control but on everything that we cannot change. It is not easy to shift our focus and acknowledge that our life does consist of things that we can control.
If we cannot change something, we need to let it go and not get upset about it. We need to focus on what we can change and stop worrying about everything else that is not included in our personal circles of control. We need to focus on things that we have influence over, impact on, and interest in. The secret to our personal sense of control lies in the choices we make about our emotions, the quality of our relationships, and our everyday decisions. The more self-awareness we have, the greater our sense of control is going to be.
This isn’t just a feel-good idea — it’s backed by decades of psychology research. People with a stronger “internal locus of control,” meaning they believe their own actions shape their outcomes, tend to experience less perceived stress and cope more effectively than those who feel outcomes are dictated by external forces.
Practical Tips to Rebuild Your Sense of Control as a Woman
Name your circle of control.
At the start of the week, jot down 3–5 things you actually have influence over (how you structure your morning, how you respond under pressure, what boundary you hold). Let everything outside that list go, even briefly.
Create one small ritual you can count on.
A five-minute coffee before the day starts, a nightly playlist, a Sunday walk — a predictable ritual gives your nervous system an anchor when the rest of the week feels unpredictable.
Redefine "self-care" as decision-making, not spa days.
Choosing to say no to one more commitment, choosing your tone in a hard moment, choosing to protect an hour for yourself — these choices are where your sense of control actually lives.
Manufacture normalcy on purpose.
A living-room date night, a solo dinner out, a dressed-up night for no reason — small, deliberate acts of normal life can meaningfully shift your mood, even in unpredictable seasons.
Notice when you're spiraling into "what if."
If you catch yourself worrying about things you can’t change, gently redirect: “What’s one thing I can do about this right now?”
Talk to someone who gets it.
Whether that’s a friend, a partner, or a therapist, saying the overwhelm out loud often makes the path back to control clearer.
The Takeaway
You may not be able to control the circumstances around you — a chaotic schedule, a demanding job, a hard season at home, challenges of motherhood — but you can always come back to what’s within your reach: your choices, your reactions, and the small moments of normalcy you create for yourself. That’s where your sense of control lives, and it’s more powerful than it feels in the middle of a hard week.
Reference:
Research on locus of control consistently shows that people who feel a stronger sense of internal control over their circumstances report lower perceived stress and better coping outcomes than those who attribute events mainly to external forces (National Center for Biotechnology Information, PMC9543895).
Karolina Lazarov, M.S., M.A., LPC, LBS, PMH-C is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Psychotherapist specializing in therapy for women, anxiety, depression, pregnancy and postpartum challenges, birth trauma, and major life transitions. She is the founder of Mainline Pro Counseling and provides compassionate, bicultural therapy in English and Polish.