Postpartum and a relationship between parents

Couples

Postpartum and a relationship between parents.

  1. When you think about your baby, what 3 words come to your mind? When you think about your husband, what 3 words come to your mind?
  2. When you think about the changes that occurred in your marriage since you had a baby, what 3 words come to your mind?
  3. Think about 3 things that you miss in your relationship with husband.

When the baby is born, the marriage changes. Before the baby, you both look forward and get ready for the little one’s arrival. You have a birth plan, the after care: crib is ready, pump and bottles all set, everything is clean. However, when the little one comes, everything (or mostly) everything that you both planned, falls apart, and your married life turns upside down. Over suddenly, the definition of “two of US” changes to the three or four of us. As a mom, you start to spend more time with the baby, you feel tired and exhausted with the new obligations and responsibilities, you lack sleep and your sexual drive decreases. Your body is changed and needs to adjust to the “new you.” Your world as a mom is based on satisfying your child’s needs and not your partner’s.

All these changes usually make your partner feel rejected, neglected, often “abandoned.” He may feel that your love is relocated and now the baby and baby’s needs are your priority. Husband usually doesn’t understand your point of view, your overwhelming feelings, being tired physically and emotionally. Many times, he doesn’t adjust well to changes such as helping out around the house, being supportive, coming home earlier from work, giving you a couple of hours break during weekends etc. You start to bicker, argue, and create a distance between each other.

If you don’t take care of each other and your own personal needs, you will start to grow apart. Here are some tips to follow in order to become a more mindful and loving partner?

Tips for a healthy post-baby relationship with a partner:

  1. Create a supportive relationship: speak up about your worries, fears, concerns, as well as, expectations and needs. It is very important to verbalize how we feel and avoid keeping thoughts in.
  2. Divide responsibilities and let your husband take care of the baby. Sometimes as moms, we have a perception that no one will take care of our baby well enough. Moms often feel that they only can prepare the food, give a bath, change a diaper etc. Once we let husbands know that “we got it”, they naturally get used to it and don’t step us as much as we would like then too.
  3. Give yourself time to heal. Don’t try to be a super mom and the super wife at the same time. You are entitled to feel tired and overwhelmed. You are entitled to spend some time in bed or seat on a couch and read a book. If you are physically hurting, ask or help . when you feel emotionally overwhelmed, ask for help. Don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses. Be truthful to yourself and to your partner.
  4. Take time to go on a date or two and talk about other than the baby related subjects. Mom and dad used to be partners, friends, lovers. They had social life and romantic life. The baby is complimenting them but not replacing who they used to be. Having a baby doesn’t need to change a relationship. It needs to adjust each others needs and wants.
  5. Create a space for yourself. Your bedroom should be your sacred space. Try to avoid bringing your baby to bed and co-sleep throughout the course of the night. Make the bed your and your husband’s sanctuary. ..and get the TV out of your bedroom as well. The less distractions, the better.
  6. Become ore mindful about your parenting. Become mindful and focus more on positive aspects of having a baby rather than every single negative aspect of being a parent. When you lie done in bed with your husband, verbalize three gratitude’s of a day. Positive mind will bring a positive feelings towards yourself, your husband , and your baby.
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