Postpartum and its powerful impact on marriage
When the baby is born, the marriage changes. Before the baby, you both look forward and get ready for the little one’s arrival. You have a birth plan, the after care: crib is ready, pump and bottles all set, everything is clean. However, when the little one comes, everything (or mostly) everything that you both planned, falls apart, and your married life turns upside down. Over suddenly, the definition of “two of US” changes to the “three or four of us. ” As a mom, you start to spend more time with the baby, you feel tired and exhausted with the new obligations and responsibilities, you lack sleep and your sexual drive decreases. Your body is changed and needs to adjust to the “new you.” Your world as a mom is based on satisfying your child’s needs and not your partner’s (or your own).
All these changes usually make your partner feel rejected, neglected, often “abandoned.” He may feel that your love is relocated and now the baby and baby’s needs are your priority. Husband usually doesn’t understand your point of view, your overwhelming feelings, being tired physically and emotionally. Many times, he doesn’t adjust well to changes such as helping out around the house, being supportive, coming home earlier from work, giving you a couple of hours break during weekends etc. You start to bicker, argue, and create a distance between each other.
If you don’t take care of each other and your own personal needs, you will start to encounter struggles that will grow and affect your relationship and overall well- being. Making little adjustments in your every day postpartum life will lead to big positive changes in your relationship.
Tips for a healthy post-baby relationship with a partner:
1.Create a supportive relationship.
Speak up about your worries, fears, concerns, as well as, expectations and needs. It is very important to verbalize how we feel and avoid keeping thoughts in.
2.Divide responsibilities and let your husband take care of the baby.
Sometimes as moms, we have a perception that no one will take care of our baby well enough. Moms often feel that they only can prepare the food, give a bath, change a diaper etc. Once we let husbands know that “we got it”, they naturally get used to it and don’t help us as much as we would like then too.
3.Give yourself time to heal.
Don’t try to be a super mom and a super wife at the same time. You are allowed to feel tired and overwhelmed. You are entitled to spend some time in bed or seat on a couch and read a book. If you are physically hurting, ask for help. When you feel emotionally overwhelmed, ask for help. Don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses. Be truthful to yourself and to your partner.
4.Find time for just two of you.
Take time to go on a date or two and talk about everything but a baby related subjects. Mom and dad used to be partners, friends, lovers. They had social life and romantic life. The baby is complimenting them but not replacing who they used to be. Having a baby doesn’t need to change a relationship. It needs to adjust each others needs and wants.
5.Create a space for yourself.
Your bedroom should be your sacred space. Try to avoid bringing your baby to bed and co-sleep throughout the course of the night. Make the bed your and your husband’s sanctuary. ..and get the TV out of your bedroom, as well. The less distractions, the better.
6.Become more mindful about your parenting.
Become mindful and focus more on positive aspects of having a baby rather than every single negative aspect of being a parent. When you lie done in bed with your husband, verbalize three gratitude’s of a day. Positive mind will bring positive feelings towards yourself, your husband, and your new baby.