We all understand how the postpartum body changes after giving birth. However, many postpartum moms tend to feel pressured to recover quickly, put on their old jeans, and go to the gym six weeks post-delivery. Often, they need to get ready for the 12-week mark when their boss will be waiting at the door, greeting them with, “You look great,” making them quietly cry in the bathroom, missing their baby, their body, their sleep, their mind, and their sanity.
Sadly, we are still living in a “bouncing back” culture. The truth is,“bouncing back” , especially a few weeks after labor, simply doesn’t exist – it is a socially created expectation that takes a toll on moms’ mental health. On one hand, we have social media that creates a perfect, idealized picture of a mom who looks like she was never pregnant, and on the other hand, we get pressure from other women and deep cultural expectations and norms of moms not complaining, having it all together, and being ready to often go back to work in short 12 weeks. Research from Body Image highlights that the popular phrase “bouncing back” not only simplifies postpartum recovery but also “effectively diminishes the complexity of changes related to body image and bodily capacities” [1]
As a perinatal therapist, I see firsthand how that pressure negatively affect not only women’s mental health but also their physical healing when their bodies don’t want to get back to the past but need time, gentle care, and compassion to find a new shape. Postpartum is not the time to “bounce back” – it is a time to evolve, rebuild self- identity and build a new relationship with your body and mind.
When I ask moms that I work with, why they would like to get back to their old selves, I often hear that they don’t want their old body or mind, but that they want to feel in control again. And that is why we need to normalize the struggles and reality of postpartum and remove from our postpartum support dictionaries terms like “bouncing back.” Moms need time to heal, not a pressure to meet impossible timelines.
To every mom reading this today: you don’t need to “bounce back.” You need time to heal, to reevaluate who you are and who you want to be. You need space, patience, and compassion. Postpartum healing is not a tournament and you are not racing to get the fist place. Postpartum is not easy. Take your time!
Final Tip: Practice the Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance, in the postpartum context, means fully acknowledging your body, emotions, and season of life exactly as they are — without fighting them or layering on shame. It doesn’t mean you have to love what’s changed. It just means you stop fighting yourself over it — and give your body a little more room to be exactly where it is right now.
When you notice a “bounce back” thought (“I should look different by now” / “My body shouldn’t be like this”, “What’s wrong with me”), pause and practice this 3-step radical acceptance reset:
State only the facts – Strip away judgment and say what is objectively true:
“My body is different than it was before pregnancy.”
“I feel uncomfortable in these jeans.”
“I’m comparing myself to others right now.”
Notice what you add to the story – Gently identify the layer of self-criticism:
“I’m telling myself this means I’ve failed.”
“I’m saying I ‘should’ be further along.”
Replace the story with acceptance – Use a radical acceptance phrase:
“This is where my body is right now.”
“I don’t have to like this moment to accept it.”
“My worth is not determined by fitting in my old jeans timeline.”
Repeat as needed. The goal is not to love everything you see but to stop fighting reality.
Why Radical Acceptance work?
Although Radical Acceptance concept comes from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, research in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) also demonstrates that psychological flexibility — the ability to accept internal experiences without over-identifying with them — is strongly associated with improved well-being and lower anxiety and depression [2]
For postpartum women specifically, studies suggest that body dissatisfaction and self-criticism predict depressive symptoms, while acceptance-based coping is associated with greater maternal adjustment [3]
In a culture obsessed with “before-and-after” photos, your postpartum body isn’t a “before” but a body that carried life and is still carrying you!
You are not meant to go back because you’ve grown into someone new!
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References:
- DeLuca, J. R., & Bustad, J. J. (2025). Beyond ‘bouncing back’: Bodily change and postpartum embodiment. Body Image, 52, Article 101859. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39983327/
2. Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
3. Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865–878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.00un